I have to admit, that’s the fastest catharsis I’ve ever undergone. I suppose it only takes the right combination of music and memory to bring about the necessary reaciton within me to get my spirit burning. But, yet, there it is.

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all we see.

The hero must be reborn. Such is the new mantra, and such is what must come to pass. As things were so too will things remain. There is much yet to be done. And much yet that I have to do. And this means that time can begin to flow again.

I wrote earlier about Eric Burn’s post about the past and moving on. Well no truer were those feelings before than now. I understand that the future is coming regardless of what we do. There is no stopping the coming onrush.

I also wrote about bravery. I said that bravery isn’t not being afraid of death. It is smiling when death and defeat come for you.

Well I faced defeat today and I met it with a smile. I don’t think that means the hero is back. But it does mean he is still alive. I’ve been going about this all wrong. I started off this walk – a wandering with no actual destination, no clue as to where I was headed – with the wrong thing in my mind. The truth of everything was starting to come upon me and I was in the mood to feel sorry for myself.

So I wrote myself a CD…

Never opened myself this way. Life is ours we live it our way. All these words I just don’t say, and nothing else matters.

And began my stride. I began by remembering everything that had occurred, every sacrifice made, every battle fought. I remembered everything. And yet as I walked, with each carefully measured step tempered to the beat of a weeping guitar, my sadness didn’t grow.

I knew that I was facing death and that I was facing defeat. I knew that the last time I had stood where I stood then I had collapsed. I had built myself a tower out of sand and the waves came acrashing. And I stood there at the edge of the mountain, facing the cliffside on top of my tower and I saw the wave coming…

I didn’t crash.

Suddenly I’m not half the man I used to be. There’s a shadow hanging over me.

I stood upon the ledge and looked down at the battle that I had waged. I had faced death with a smile. Do you want to talk? A smile and a nod. A smile that never faded. A smile that still remained.

I faced death with a smile.

Somewhere deep inside a part of me was dying. Like a wounded dog it struggles with the weight of the world, hoping to breathe just one more time. And yet the part of me was small. Not small in that it had no impact. Small simply that it wasn’t everything. It wasn’t everything.

And now it’s my time to dream. Dream of the skies. And make me believe that this place isn’t plagued by the poison in me. Help me decide if my fire will burn out before you can breathe.

I stood alone and I knew that I was the shadows. I knew that the Shadowraith still lived and breathed deep within, that He Who Cannot Be was still a part of me. And yet I was not alone. The shadows, cold and silent, grew around me.

Still, I stood. I stood and smiled. I stood because they would not win. The darkness wasn’t taking hold. I stood alone and yet I stood upon the shoulders of many who loved me. With every step I took I felt the presence of the people who supported me, who helped me through this. And I heard a voice begin to rumble.

No one I think is in my tree. I mean it must be high or low. That is you can’t, you know, tune in but its alright. That is, I think it’s not too bad.

As I walked through the patch of forest between Jordan and the Union I heard the voice resounding deep within, intertwined with the voice of Lennon’s ghost. And it said something which, for a long time, I had wanted someone to say. I thought at the time I wanted someone to actually say it to me – a specific someone. But for a long time I wanted the words spoken.

Everything is going to be alright.

And I stopped. I heard the voice clear inside my head. Everything is going to be alright. I didn’t know where it came from. I didn’t know to what, specifically, it refered to. And yet I heard it, clear as day. Everything is going to be alright.

My heels turned 180 degrees. I wasn’t even a good distance from home yet. And I had come to the conclusion of my walk. I knew the truth. Everything was going to be alright.

Everyone can see the road that they walk on is paved in gold. It’s always summer they’ll never get cold. They’ll never get hungry, they’ll never get old and gray.

There was a hop and a skip to my step as I wandered back home. And the voice in hte back of my head never stopped reassuring me that everything would be ok. I had fought, I realized. I fougt – I lost, but I fought – and now the battle was over. I had given it everything I could possibly give.

I still lost.

But I faced death with a smile.

Excuse me while I tend to how I feel, as things return to me that still seem real.

I walked and I knew that things would be alright. The voice had faded now to a simple feeling, a throbbing vibrancy in my heart.

I walked away from the battlefield. I knew that in fighting I had won. It wasn’t a matter of victory. It was a matter of taking a stand.

I like to think that I made an impact in her life. I know, to an effect, that is the case. And I know the story isn’t over, not completely. I’ve pledged now my life to something else. Right now, victory was impossible. As to what comes tomorrow, that’s not for me to know.

For now, I know that everything is going to be alright.

I can smile again, because I smiled when death came for me.

So remember always what kept me alive. Live as if the world were as it should be, to show it what it can be. Such is the way of the champion. And that is the greatest lesson I’ve learned out of them all.