So I write this some 30,000 feet in the air as my airplane approaches the Puerto Rico coastline. I’ve been traveling for a little over 11 hours now, going on about 20 minutes of sleep for the past 48 hours. (For those of you keeping track, that’s about 13 hours of sleep over the past 96 hours – yes, the only actual full night’s rest I’ve had was Thursday-Friday.)

But I feel good…ish. I’ve been thinking a lot about what’s been happening lately, where this mighty wind’s blowing. And I can’t really say I have any idea of what lies ahead. It scares the living shit out of me, and yet I can’t help but be happy about it.

Many unforeseen things have happened lately. I’d like to say it’s because I’ve been too busy focusing on one aspect of my life that I’ve missed out on all of the clues towards the other things, but that’s really not it. There’s really no good way I could’ve concluded that life would take me down the road it has, save for random chance.

And random chance does appear to have been what brought me here. I was ready to take it all back, as I was showering yesterday I prayed to God to give me the opportunity to go back three and a half years into the past, just to see if i could do it over again. Just so today wouldn’t have had to happen.

Yet, in the early morning as I lay in bed I found myself brought almost to laughter. I heard the voice of God ask me if I still wanted to go back. And the answer had already formed in my head, long before the question was asked.

Onward, to wherever the wind may take us.

And now what? Three weeks with the family – three weeks of vacation. Christmas vacation. I’m looking forward to playing video games with my brother, veging out in my bed, hanging out with my friends. In short, doing nothing. I’m going to love it.

Still, the nostalgia lies just below the surface. There’s always something there to remind me of the good times we’ve had. The good and the bad, both. And I love every minute of them, I love every second that I get to spend with my friends in my mind. Because I loved it when it was going on.

Tempus fugit, tempus finis.

I can’t say I think the future looks bleak. Jessica’s appointed Sarah my guardian (the concept of which greatly amuses me, considering everything.) Amanda might be coming back to Bloomington. Brett, Kat, Meghan are still there. Well, Kat for another few weeks, but still. The Vaulters will always be around. We’re already making plans to continue JP’s campaign. Taryn’ll visit, and for Jess, well, there’s always IM and mail. I even have half a mind to pop up there for a visit to fulfill some promises I made to some people a while ago.

So things aren’t really bad. It’s just the inevitable moving on, that all humans go through, the arrival and eventual leaving of situations, events, locations.

Does the future scare me? Shit yeah, it does. Applications, looking for a job/internship over the summer (well, deciding if I want one is first), relationships here, there, everywhere… (Brett still maintains I should ask Kat out. He claims he had also mentioned someone else, but I can’t remember whom it was, I, personally, don’t believe this is a good idea, for mulitple reasons.) I face some very interesting times ahead.

I’m still game, though. Shuffle up and deal.